Chris Jehnerts Journal

2009 Entry Fourteen

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:16:44 GMT

Things suck. Its pretty horrendous. And I would enjoy venting about it so I came on here for the first time in a long while.

This all began with my plans from the last entry.
I decided not to audition for school or the "Fame" tour or either of the two paying shows I was asked to audition for because I was told I should get my deviated septum fixed this fall. I have trouble breathing through my nose and it causes a lot of health issues, I was told it would be better for my health and maybe even my singing just to get it fixed. I was also told I should just take off in the fall. Get it fixed, get my wisdom teeth out and school will be there in the Spring. So I listened.
I didn't audition for anything because I knew I was planning surgery. I wanted it to be the first week of October, using September for consultations with doctors. I talked Joe into going to school without me for the Fall Semester. I turned down auditions I was offered, and I got back on the schedule at work. Little did I know all of this was a mistake.
In order to be on my mothers insurance, which covers the surgery, I have to be a full time student. So, I registered as a full time student at CCBC. I figure this way the classes aren't important, Its full time credits, and I can still get the surgery. So we give my moms work the schedule, which is what they send to the insurance company, which then puts me on insurance, and I was told I should be on it on September 1st, 2009.
So in the meantime of August I was finishing up "Oklahoma" and Joe had gone to school in Virginia. My mind got the best of me and was causing personal fights and stressful issues, I won't go into them because they aren't really part of this story, but I mention it so you understand that I personally was going through some rough times aside from just the surgery stuff.
September 1st came around and I asked my mother if I could begin to schedule a doctors appointment. She told me that she hadn't received anything from the insurance company so she wanted to make sure I was on it before we made any appointments. So she asks many people, getting the run around. Her work was saying I should be on it, they aren't sure why we haven't heard anything. She finally just calls the insurance company and evidently they never received my schedule, my mothers work had never sent it.
So we go back to them. Well evidently someone working at my mothers job stole $18,000 from the company the same week I gave my schedule. So they must have not sent it while dealing with all the other business, they asked for another copy. So we gave it to them, they said I should be on it by October 1st.
In the meantime I was heading into a deeper depression. Without going to school my days felt incomplete and useless, I wasn't doing anything. Without doing a show I felt incomplete, I was used to doing 8 shows a week and here I was not doing anything involving performances. Without a surgery date or even insurance I felt nothing was coming up to make this depression worth it. And with Joe gone I felt alone, especially when other problems in that department were in effect, which they weren't by mid September. I couldn't contain my negative emotions and nothing cheered me up. The only plus from this feeling was the motivation to write music. And I did.
Also, working at Red Brick left me more then poor. 8 Shows a week plus serving was good money. Good enough to live off of. Right now things at the restaurant are so slow and I am in so much debt. The stress is horrible. I try and double as often as possible and still try to maintain seeing my baby every week, which involves driving three hours. Meanwhile I owe phone bill, car payment, credit card bills, gas, and I need to live. Nothing I am doing right now makes me happy, all I'm doing is either picking up at Red Brick or sulking in the fact that I should be at school, or should be performing.
On any plus side I did Apply to Shenandoah, I have an audition date set for November 20 - 21, 2009. I won't have my surgery by then so I have to wait til after to get it...which means I could have done "Aida." So I should have taken the audition, since It will end before I get the surgery anyway. I also could have gone to school since Semester ends the second week of December and my surgery won't be until then, if I even get it, so I could have gone to school and got it over winter, all of this a waste of my time because they "forgot" to send my information.
Well, October 1st hit and I asked my mother about insurance. She asked them and some rude woman responded saying "I have 5 stores to run, I sent it this afternoon, he should be on it soon." We were told to call in a week to see if I was on. So for three days after a week had gone by my mother forgets to call.
Well, as my mother has forgotten to call my bank account has about 60 dollars in it. I made two gas purchases of $20 and a $10 Credit card payment. The two gas hadn't gone through yet, and so I had $50 still on there until they'd go through. In that period EZ Pass charged my $25, since my amount got down to ten they automatically charge $25 to keep it at a good balance. This had gone through putting me at $25 in the account with $40 worth of gas that hadn't yet gone through. So to try and keep my bank account out of the negative and save myself from Insufficient Fund Fees I went to the bank and put $40 cash in. So I check at home the next day and the Gas has gone through but the cash didn't, so I was at Negative amount. There were not fees yet, but I was nervous there would be, I hoped the cash would just go through and they wouldn't charge a fee.
I woke this morning, my emotional state still less than happy, to find that I had been charged $74 dollars worth of Fees and that my cash went through, so I owed about $50 dollars to the bank. Which was great cause I already had no money at all for anything and since today is my Three Year Anniversary I worked two double days just to raise enough money for gas, so there goes that. I called the bank and found no way besides paying them to get rid of the fees. Evidently, if you put in cash after 2:00pm it doesn't go through for another day, which is why it didn't go through before my gas did, which is why I was charged.
So In a state of luck I was at work when my Friend Stephanie called with an amazing offer. Heather, a friend of mine, said she would fill up my tank without me paying her back, and would loan me Twenty Dollars to help pay the Bank. The gas would be enough for me to visit Joe for our anniversary and the Twenty would go to the bank. I worked today and made about $60, including that twenty. So I just came from the bank to pay that off. I have $4 in my account. But its better than -$50. As some what of a quick payback I got them some free food.
Now, my bad luck was seeming a little helped when I texted my mom asking if she could call the insurance company to see if it had gone through so we can try and schedule an appointment at least three weeks before my audition. And to my expected surprise, she tells me I am Not on the Insurance. I asked her why and she said the insurance company told her they hadn't received anything from her work. I asked her what we can do now and she said she can just ask everyone again. I don't know if this woman didn't send it to the company or if it takes more then one week to be processed, all I know is I want to go to the woman at my moms work in charge of this and stab her in the neck.
I turned down school for nothing. I turned down paying shows for nothing. I almost ruined my relationship for nothing. I put myself into this uncomfortable and ridiculous depression that I can't get out of for nothing. I am alone and sad for nothing. I put my entire life on hold this semester for some woman to just not send one paper through. I gave her my schedule in August. Its October. All she has to do, all this woman's job is, is to fax or e-mail a copy of my schedule. It would take maybe ten minutes. That's all. Its taken 3 months and I'm still currently not on insurance. I keep saying if I don't get this surgery by the Spring Semester than taking off was a waste of my life. But it is already a waste. I could have gone to school and got this surgery at the same time as I'm going too. I could have done a show and got the surgery the same time.
My whole life is on a depressed hold just cause some woman is so incompetent at her job that she couldn't send one piece of paper through. I still am sad, I'm still alone, I still am not in school, I'm still in no show, I'm still stuck in debt, and I still can't breathe correctly through my nose.
Its easy to say that I can just move on. Audition for school, and if I get in go in Spring. If I don't get in, do a show. Get Surgery in Summer of 2010 cause you've lived this long with the nose thing it will be fine for one more season and I would definitely be insured by then. But I can't even express the anger or the depth of my anger for the time I've spent this semester just waiting for nothing at all. I want to at least get this surgery before school or a show in the Spring, and if I don't I damn well will get it in the Summer.
I will be auditioning for School or a Show. I will be having this surgery.
I am just going to need to hear in a week that I'm on insurance so I can get it before spring. I'm already more pissed off than I have ever been, If I have to wait til summer, I'll probably break someones neck.

To end on a lighter note. Today is my Three Year Anniversary with Joe. I love him. And even though I am not currently with him, I thank him for helping through anything.

Thank you to any of my friends too. Without you, I may have killed someone.

2009 Entry Thirteen

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:12:10 GMT

I'm up at my house.

So, I'll start with a quick vent about, what else, vocal things. Really its not so much about that at all, its a small factor. So "High School Musical" ended and "Oklahoma" opened Thursday. And things were fine. Thursday night after the show I start having a problem with my nose, its just snotty and gross and such. I go home and take meds and sleep. Wake up. Can't breathe through my nose, my throat tastes gross and is swolen and I constantly have the urge to cough...so I yet again am sick, and what is the main problem....my nose!...Of course...So than I am trying to sing along to "Next to Normal"...which was a horrendous idea to try to do that with how I felt and sounded...So I'm singing and I can hit all the notes, but they just don't sound good. They sound pushed and nasal...which is mainly to blame on my sickness. But I didn't think about that and got upset thinking...I just can't sing these notes well, I'm just awful, now I'll never make it. Than I made myself feel better by reminding myself that I sound horrendous just speaking so singing isn't gonna be perfect, and if I can hit the notes sick I can probably hit them healthy and will probably sound better healthy. I guess we'll see.

I'm hoping after I get my surgery that I will stop being sick like this so often. I'm still sick by the way.

So my future plans right now. 1. Finish "Oklahoma", 2. Finish my room, 3. Get my Deviated Septum fixed, 4. Not be so sick because I can now breathe, 5. Continue voice lessons right after surgery, 6. Figure out where I want to go to school and audition, 7. Be pleased with my sound!

My nasal issues are so annoying. I get so proud of my voice than something that isn't even a vocal problem causes my vocals to not be as strong as they can and it frustrates me so much! Its also frustrating that I just can't breathe!

I was also told the surgery might make me sound more open and may open my range a little bit. Now, I won't expect anything like that, all I'm expecting is to breathe and not get sick as often, but that would be nice if that happened too lol!

2009 Entry Twelve

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:10:00 GMT

So, I'm not tired although I know I should sleep. I've been so exhausted lately, and yet I know if I go lay I won't be able to sleep. Also, I'm currently listening to some stuff on Youtube. Mainly myself singing. A Duet I did and some recorded stuff, and I miss it. Right now I'm doing "High School Musical" and not only is it taking all my energy and time but its taking its toll vocally too. Whenever I get rest I'm so excited to sound normal again and then I have to do eight more shows that week and its getting old. And its not music I am noticed singing, which is what is bothersome. No solos, nothing to really show that I can sing, aside from the fact that I'm constantly singing A's and G's. Its just no one notices how difficult it is because the audience is high schoolers, middle schoolers, children, and old people who know the music from the movie and listen more to the leads than how hard the ensemble is working. I guess the main vent is that I miss being a character. Tobys is great, its a job performing and its good money, but for the two shows I'm doing there, I'm ensemble. And I guess I'm just not used to it and am not a huge fan. Its not awful, I actually don't mind being in the "Oklahoma" ensemble. I think what it is, is that I'm tired of doing my track in "High School Musical". I've been doing six to eight shows a week since February, and its just not a show to do that much of. However, back to my original venting topic, I miss singing the way I did, solo music, duets, performing them. And the only thing I got to perform as a solo piece I performed with a Sinus Infection and snot came up my throat during my solo! Hopefully I will get back into my music when "High School Musical" is over!

I watched "Changeling" and "Milk" last night. Both Very good. I would suggest them.

I love Kelly Clarkson....So Much. And Hope Whitaker. And Joe of course.

So, I've made the choice to go to school for my Bachelors in Music (Vocal Performance), with a possible minor in Theatre. That way if I don't excel in this world of Musical Theatre I will have a better chance at teaching music, and also I'll learn more of what I want to learn in this program. I'm going to try to go to York College of PA. I'll try to go in Spring, since I'm getting my nose fixed in the Fall.

Its June. "Oklahoma" opens in Eleven Days. "High School Musical" ends on Sunday.

I guess I don't have much else to write about.

2009 Entry Eleven

Thu, 14 May 2009 04:58:31 GMT

So, I can't sleep and in my time of not being able to sleep I have to decided to write an entry. I guess mainly to pass time.

Things are okay. The past month has been an up and down phase of emotions but things have kind of evened out, and on top of that my health has been obnoxious.

First I had a sinus infection. Got medicine. It went away. Than I thought it came back. Lost my voice. Sang a concert. Than my voice came back and I had pressure in my nose. Still haven't seen a doctor but with the different reactions I'm gonna blame allergies.

So, it took time and lots of thinking, but I have decided on waiting to go to school til next spring. This fall i will not be performing. I will be getting surgery to fix my deviated septum, and get my wisdom teeth removed, and stay home during the process. I will continue to sing in choir and take my voice lesson but I don't want to get this done in like a week and move to new york for school a week after I've recovered. This decision gives me some time to just figure some stuff out. And I need that. However since I won't be performing I will need to work a normal job for the fall...which is lame.

"High School Musical" is okay. Its really exhausting, I think because I have just grown tired of doing this show itself. Its just not a fun show and I'm not a fan of being in it. At least not as my character.

"Oklahoma" is going well though. It again is a show I'm not to fond of but it definitely is not as tiring as "High School Musical". However I also don't get to sing as much. Honestly, I really don't do too much in the show. I don't really mind though, its not a show I really would put at the top of my list that I want to do.

Well, I guess thats all I have to write about for now. I'm in a very strange mood.

2009 Entry Ten

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:59:13 GMT

So, I haven't wrote on here for a bit.
Um, Luckily things have been going pretty okay for me.

My sinus infection is pretty much gone. I'm still taking the antibiotics but it feels so much better than it did.

I've been extremely busy with "High School Musical" because there is a show pretty much every night.

I got into "Oklahoma" by chance lol. Oriignally they told me they weren't going to cast me because they wanted to use an actual dancer and they felt singing was my stronger point. But in an odd chain of events they decided to settle for a singer who can kind of move I guess. So I'm doing the show.

We have only had one rehearsal, it was okay. I was feeling so dead, so I couldn't use my voice the way I normally would, but it wasn't horrendous. I just imagine if you heard me that day you may not think singing is my strongest suit...but it is, so next rehearsal I will hopefully feel better!

I am most likely auditioning for Signature Theatre this Friday. I'm not expecting to get in but I kind of want to go just to audition. They are doing a mainly vocal show season. And only one of those shows I would actually have any sort of chance at. But they are an equity theatre and are just having a non equity open call....so I think I may just go to audition.

Speaking of auditions. I mentioned sometime before I set up an audition for AMDA. It is set for May 16th. So anyway! I got a call from AMDA maybe two weeks ago when I felt awful and the message said they were sending me something in the mail and that my application was due by may 11th. So I have been asking my mother at least every three days if I received any mail...and she said no. So I come up to my house last night and what is here...a letter from AMDA saying my application is actually due by Tomorrow....So I asked my mother when this paper came and she said it came weeks ago....when I asked her why she didn't tell me when I continuously asked about mail...she said she didn't think this was what I was asking about......so now I have to call AMDA today and be that guy who is like I can't follow your rules so can I get my application past the deadline?....which is just great.

Show Tonight.

2009 Entry Eight

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 23:39:19 GMT

Okay.

So first, Things that are bothersome.
1. I have been in good voice since the run of "High School Musical", yet this week I must have caught something... So, a few nights ago we went out after a show and I swallowed a too hot piece of Chicken and burnt my tongue and I think it effected my throat a tad. This happened once before when I swallowed hot chocolate too fast, it just causes a horsed sound. So, me being me, I sang anyway all day Because I had a horsed throat just to prove I can...than did three shows, within three days. My mouth doesn't feel burnt anymore but from doing so much I made my throat tired...than I thought it would be a good idea to go out til 2am after my show last night...which was stupid...because today I literally cannot sing...or speak in my upper register...and I'm scared I will never sing again...cause I'm me. Than all of a sudden I realize, it isn't just my throat, my whole body feels lame...so I think I may be sick...so I'm not really speaking. I'm drinking lots of water, taking a bath tonight and hoping that I get a good nights sleep....Two shows in the morning...I hope I don't have to lip sync! I hope my voice comes back soon!

2. The Bird. I hate the bird.

Nice Things:

1. My Taxes came back so I'm now 160 dollars richer. Hoorah.

2. I get three checks this weekend.

3. Sickness is temporary the majority of the time.

4. I may kill the bird.

2009 Entry Seven

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:47:23 GMT

So I don't know if I'm overreacting or over analyzing. All I know is tonight made me think in a negative sense.

Tonight I truly considered if maybe the way I feel about someone, is not what they are feeling towards me. And it hurt a lot.

We have been faced with the same situation. Literally the same situation. The way they acted when it happened hurt me a lot. The way I reacted when it just happened again felt like I should have done what they did to me. But I couldn't. I realized how much more I cared about them than the situation, yet it showed me how they must not really care about me. Because in the same situation they chose to leave me.

I feel a little empty right now, I guess cause I just got home, and it just happened.

I just wonder what was in their head when it happened the first time, and how much they must not really care for me if it was so easy to just leave me. Than I look at this time and how I couldn't just leave someone like that, especially if they are "in love."

Maybe it was a one time mistake. or maybe it shows what I'm really worth. Maybe I'm just weak and when I had the chance to show how it felt, couldn't go through with it.

Maybe it is all just my fault.

2009 Entry Six

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:18:26 GMT

I have not felt like this much of a mess in a long long time. I can't think straight, the words I'm speaking don't make any sense.

I'm questioning every aspect of my life and I don't know an answer to any question I have in my head and the one person I thought I could turn to for help ended up being one of the questions I can't answer.

I don't know what to about it. I don't know if I am happy.

I can't go into detail cause I don't wanna throw out this kind of personal information out there.

But I'm questioning my school options in this year and I'm on a time limit and don't know what I want. I'm questioning my relationship, whether Im happy. Whether they're happy. And how much someone else could effect the relationship I already have. How much time I have to myself. I'm questioning this summers events. I'm questioning everything. I feel so stressed and I can't focus on any thoughts and I just keep getting overwhelmed and I start shaking and I don't speak correctly, like my sentences don't make sense.

I don't know what I'm doing. I hate this.

2009 Entry Five

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:27:10 GMT

So I'm writing another entry. My depression/anxiety problem has been affecting me recently. I haven't really let it interfere with my life too much because I know the sad feelings are just a physical imbalance and not anyones fault so I try not to let it cause any issues. I just hope it doesn't persist, because its very tiring and it makes me feel like I don't want to do anything.

I'm getting my hair cut today.

The show opens February 18th. That is next wednesday. We have three rehearsals before we open. I don't really feel ready. I mean vocally I know what I'm doing. Some of the direction and scene changes are what is getting to me. There are changes still occurring in the blocking and set changes and I don't feel solid on them, and we also haven't run the show with costumes yet. I think it will come together though, I just am wrapping my head around the changes still lol.

I also have to finish training at the dinner theatre to serve.

Other than this I've just been feeling down lately, about myself and life I guess. But hopefully these feelings will go away soon. Especially because my schedule is about to pick up. I'm gonna write my schedule, generally, not every show will always be there. But we have at least four a week. I'm writing down my busiest week below.

Mondays - Work at 12
Tuesdays - School, Show
Wednesdays - AM Show, PM Show
Thursdays - School, Show
Fridays - Work, Show
Saturdays - Teach, Show
Sunday - AM Show, PM Show

Now not every week has that many shows, but some do.

2009 Entry Four

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 04:19:07 GMT

Okay So I figure I might as well open up about this really fast. I know Joe is going to read this and roll his eyes and call me crazy, but its been something that's really been eating at me for a bit now.

So as we all know on here I am in the show at Tobys. I was excited to get in. I was glad they thought I was talented enough. I got compliments on my voice. Joe got a compliment and I was sad he got a compliment and I didn't that day. We all know, I vented about the lameness of me in that situation, we all know. But here's the truth.

I don't think they like me. I'm going to assume at one point they were glad they cast me, in the beginning when they complimented my voice, they thought I had some sort of talent. But I get these weird vibes in rehearsal and I start to act annoying but really I think its because I become extremely insecure and just talk to someone I think doesn't hate me the whole time and than feel I have annoyed everyone. I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way, but I have this inner voice that keeps telling me to try and be accepted with all the people who have worked there before and I think its causing me to act in a way where I try to hard and in doing so I'm upsetting myself and actually making these people think I'm less talented than I am, and more annoying than I actually am. I don't even truly know how to explain it, but I have this feeling they think they've made a mistake in casting me. And when it boils down to it, it may all just be in my head, but thats how I feel. I understand I'm not the strongest "hip hop" dancer. I understand I'm over excited sometimes. I understand that all I usually have to offer is a good voice, and sometimes people won't agree with that, or they won't mention if they like it and it makes me feel bad?. But I really have been feeling like I'm just there because they thought they saw something good in me, but were mistaken. I like to think It's just something my mind has made up, but something must be triggering these feelings. I just wish rehearsal came with more compliments and reassurance of myself. But life isn't like that either. So I guess just suck it up. Stop trying so hard. And just do what I'm there to do. And hope that I haven't ruined my chances with the theatre.

2009 Entry Three

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 01:05:40 GMT

Well the New Year has been going along alright. But not always the best. I've realized the extent of my insanity and also the extent of how much my health hates me. Also, I've noticed that I'm talented...yet discovered how much I disagree with that last statement.

Okay. So I'll get this first one over with. Please don't laugh at me, and if you do please at least laugh because you think I'm talented lol. So here's what went down. I was in rehearsal a few weeks ago and singing, my voice was getting tired so I said my voice was getting tired. Well a girl from the cast, Marylee tells me its a good thing because your voice gets tired now but then when the show begins it gets stronger, especially your upper register. She then told me thats good for me since I already have a strong nice voice. So I was like thanks. So than this past week Joe is singing in rehearsal because one of the boys wasn't there so he was standing in for him, and while he's singing Marylee says to me "Oh, I've never heard him sing before, I didn't know he could, he has a nice voice"....than she tells Joe "Oh, you have a nice voice You did a great job, I didn't know"....So of course. For the past week I've been killing myself thinking "Oh my god, she thinks Joe sings better than me" and "She must think I'm awful"..."Why wasn't she that complimentary towards me, why didn't she praise my voice that much. Now I look at facts like, she had heard me sing before and never heard him. That she knew I was a singer and knew Joe was a dancer so probably didn't think he had a good voice since he's known as a "dancer" and she kinda had complimented me weeks ago when she first heard me. But I have still been thinking about how I wish she hadn't said that to him and had complimented me instead. Or why didn't she praise my voice the way she praised his and stuff. It's so annoying to live with these thoughts pounding in your head, especially when you know its ridiculous to be thinking that way.

Onto sickness. I have been sick for 6 days now. Today is the best I've felt. I went bar hopping for Vince Kortums birthday. It was much fun. But unfortunately I woke up the next day and couldn't breathe or speak. So I've had this awful head cold for the past week. Today I woke up and could breathe and speak, and even sing my normal range today, so Hopefully its the start of a healthy 2009?

Onto Money. I'm poor. End of Story. I need money.

Onto the good. I was singing today and recently have been proud of how I sound (Aside from the Marylee thing, why can't she just be proud of my voice too lol). So thats been nice. I also strummed my guitar a bit. Vince said he will tune it for me since I'm not sure how to.

Um. I guess I'm done writing for now. I just kind of enjoy getting on here to complain for a hot minute than go back to living.

Also. "Repo: The Genetic Opera" came out of DVD today, I must buy it.
And sooo many horror movies are coming to theatres now that I can't afford it.

2009 Entry Two

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:59:48 GMT

The new year has been alright so far. I'm in a not the best mood right now, no real specific reason. I guess its because I'm in this restless mood and didn't want to go to dance, but Joe really wanted to go even though he is sick, and I, of course, will have to drive out there and pick him up. So now I'm just kind of sitting here alone. And I guess thats whats bothering me is that I'm just gonna be sitting here alone for the next two hours until I have to drive somewhere for someone else, which is something I always do.

Also, I noticed today how much I have to tip toe around certain topics. Its very frustrating. I keep getting told how I should be more open and share more of my feelings, that I can talk about anything...and am "supposed" to talk about anything with someone, yet when I do it isn't right. I am either repremanded for saying the wrong thing, or it is something they don't feel like hearing. Or its offensive when it isn't meant to be. I think this revelation is also bothering me right now.

Another issue is money. It's such an obnoxious problem. I want to be able to do certain things and I just can't because of money. And the subject of money is something other people frustrate me with. Some people are just not thinking when they act certain ways with money and I know I make my share of mistakes but some people use money in such ways that make me think, why?. Like it could be put to good use for you, you could be better off if you just think logically about things and skip some small luxuries. I wouldn't want anyone to just not buy anything for themselves or anything, but some budgeting on specific things makes sense. Also, in order to budget money one needs to have money. I'll leave details alone, since I have to.

Mainly in the money situation, I kind of need some. So I need to work more. So I guess I will. But my money sometimes goes to things I wish it didn't have to. I had listed things but I decided it would be better not too.

The show has been going well. I think I'm sounding pretty good vocally. And the dances aren't so hard, I just have to remember them. And being in it full time is exciting I guess as well. Hopefully when we start performing more I will make more money.

Another good thing is I am gonna stay with Stephanie and Heather at this extremely huge nice house tomorrow. It was offered to stay tonight, but I think since Joe is at dance it would be pointless to go out there tonight. Although I would've liked to. I also can't wait to start playing this guitar. I haven't even strung it yet, I want to wait til I have a clue as to what I'm doing. Also, I wish I could write good music. If I could write music like Missy Higgins Id be much better off than I am. Songwriting is not my forte.

I guess I'm done writing for now. I don't know what else to say.

2009 Entry One

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 17:31:55 GMT

Well, 2008 is over. 2009 has arrived and will last for I'm just gonna take a guess at about 365 days and then another year will arrive. 2008 wasn't a horrendous year nor was it spectacular. Maybe 2009 will bring in all good things. Maybe not.

Onto a current woe of mine. I can't get rid of this cold. Heres whats going on. I wake up every morning and my voice is gone, its sounds like when there is mud in my throat when I talk, which I'm sure you have thought makes me think I will never sing again. Then I can't breathe through my nose which is lame. And I have this snot and stuff in my throat that always has to be haucked up loudly. I was excited yesterday when I woke up and could speak, not only speak but I could sing when I woke up. Like in my upper register...than I woke up today and couldn't speak again. Joe said the things I eat may have effected it today. So I guess I should take better care of myself today and hopefully I will wake up and be able to sing from now on. Luckily even when I wake up like this I can usually hit my normal range by noon lol. It just sucks that I can't wake up and sing like I normally can...it also sucks that I can't speak!

Christmas was good. I got a guitar which is my most treasured gift. I will probably just buy myself a book and use it to teach myself how to play instead of actually taking a class at school or something. I also got a DS which is awesome, but I need some games for it. Right now I've been playing "Yoshi's Island" every time I get on it! I also got a GPS which will be good for the driving I will be doing for school auditions and traveling of any kind.

Another woe, I'll vary the goods and bads ha. I want a place of my own so bad. We are rearranging Joes room and its going well. I took down his entertainment system by myself so that was a proud moment. We brought in a new dresser and got rid of one. We're going to buy some shelves to organize all the movies and stuff and also get a computer desk so we can put all my organizing stuff there and hopefully have a cleaner atmosphere in the room. But here's how I feel. I still have no room. I have recently just considered Joes room my room since I mainly sleep there. But there isn't an essence of it being our room. It's just me sleeping in Joes room. And this isn't really whats bothersome to me. Whats bothersome is I have all my stuff with no where to put it. At my house I have no room, and if I did I'm never hear so I don't want to keep all of my stuff there. At Joes house the only room I can put stuff in is Joes, and all of his stuff already inhabits it, so then it would be cluttered. I find myself having stuff in both places and at Joes being annoyed with all the things cluttered in places and at my house sad because its all just sitting in a box or in the middle room since I don't have a room. I just want a place where I can put all my stuff and it won't just be in piles sitting somewhere. I just want a place of my own. I've also been thinking a lot about school in the fall. Honestly, I don't want to go. I most likely will though.

Toby's is going well. I'm having a nice experience. Luckily my voice has been good for every rehearsal so I haven't been like crying thinking people hate my singing or anything lol. I just need to get rid of this awful cold! I hate it! But the show itself is going well. I kind of wish it wasn't "High School Musical" but oh well! I just need to get the show schedule so I can see the actual show dates, its a five month run!

So, I guess thats all for now. Hopefully next time I write in here I will be back to full health and have all good news?

Happy 2009!

2008 Entry Fifty Six

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:15:46 GMT

Okay so lol I am on here just to simply re word my last entry since Joe is a mess over what I said lol. I wrote something about like trying to figure out who I am. I'm not having any sort of identity crisis. It was more of me just expressing Im wondering what I truly want to do with my life. I wonder where I want to go the things I want to accomplish, who I want beside me while its happening, and when I want it to happen.

I wonder if I will succeed and what would happen to me if I didn't. I wonder if I will make my dreams come true or how I will react if they don't. I wonder who will be around the rest of my life and who becomes someone uninterested with me.

Its not me thinking oh I feel like Ive been hiding who I am or Im not the person you think I am. Its just me wondering what my life will become.

2008 Entry Fifty Five

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:29:21 GMT

Okay. So Things are good right now. Yet I don't feel so good. Um heres whats goin down.

So, School is finished. I have my first degree down.

I'm in a paying "professional" show! I was cast as a swing which is like an understudy but last rehearsal I was pulled aside and the director was like hey, If we have an open spot would you want to be a full time cast member! And I was like Yes! I would love that, but I also said that if there is a spot Id love it, but if she'd prefer I stay as swing thats okay, that its all up to her. So I may be a full time cast member in the show, which would be sweet! And she complimented my voice!

Also, I've been enjoying my friends and such and I had a nice surprise 21st birthday party. I've been singing well, when my voice isn't gone, and been feeling okay health wise.

Yet I feel this down feeling. Like not so much when Im doing something, but I've become easily irritable and find myself feeling kinda sad.

I did however go to the gym with Stephanie and it was much fun. I may go tomorrow again! I may get a membership...I just can't afford it!

Anyway, I feel kinda down even though things right now are going really well.

I also find myself battling internally about my identity. Who I am as a person. It's frustrating.

2008 Entry Fifty Four

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:35:07 GMT

Well I'm Twenty - One. I don't really feel older.

Okay So I'm okay. It's been eleven days since my last post. I counted. Last week was busy. I had two rehearsals with Chamber for like 2 1/2 hours of just singing. Two Choir Concerts. As Well as Singing in a Quartet the night after. Then a Christmas Concert that was lame. Well by the end of this I was losing my voice. It just felt hoarsed. I figured it was a mix of all the singing and the weather. Well of course I was like I will sing anyway...cause I would sing and be like why dont I sound as good as usual...or like I had that note yesterday why not today...so instead of being smart and resting I would push for a good sound, then after getting to it my voice would be more tired. So i finally gave in a rested my voice.

It was finally coming back. It wasn't its strongest but Wednesday for My Jury I hit an A full voiced without pushing. So that made me feel like my voice was pretty much back. Then I went out for my 21st birthday. I found my new favorite drink! :)...However I also found something I will never get again lol. It made me vomit...and a mix of vomiting and talking loudly in the bar area....I lost my voice again.

So I rested it all yesterday since I have rehearsal tonight, tomorrow, and two concerts this weekend. I think its pretty much back but I'm resting it until the rehearsal just incase.

I made myself a cheap website for fun...chrisjehnert.weebly.com....It needs to be spruced up and stuff but its just cause I wanted a site!

I'm going to Arundel Mills today, and shopping alittle more for Christmas.

2008 Entry Fifty Three

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:57:10 GMT

Hello. I'm feeling okay. Things aren't horrendous. Things aren't Ideal either. Things are okay.

This is my last real week of school at Essex Community College. Next week is Finals. I have my degree when this semester ends. My AA in Vocal Performance, and I still don't feel that talented lol. I guess I should, they really don't just hand them out. In the spring I will be taking voice lessons and chamber choir at Essex still, but I will no longer be a full time student. Now I just need to apply to schools for next year.

Onto troubles haha. The first one isn't really a trouble as much as it is an annoyance. Here's whats going down, I know you'll think I'm crazy.

So I was in my voice lesson last week and it went really well. My teacher said it was the best he has heard me sound. One of the songs I'm doing is called "Anthem" from the Musical "Chess." Now, I have grown so fond of this song, I really love performing it and its just a song I really enjoy performing. Well, I sang it in my lesson and my teacher said he was impressed with how it sounded that day and that I should sing it in Voice Rep the next day. Voice Rep, short for Repertoire, is a class the voice majors take where we sing pieces we are working on and then are critiqued by the students and teachers. So I decided I would and was excited because in my opinion it sounded really good and I was very proud of myself. So the next day came and I rehearsed before voice rep to warm up and stuff and it went well. I then rehearsed with the pianist and it sounded really good. So I was excited thinking okay I'm gonna impress me peers (friends) and my teachers. In this class there are about 8 people, all of whom I am friends with, plus ms otal and mr peters. So, its not a crowd I need to show off for, they've all heard me, every tuesday and thursday for the past 2 years. But for some reason I was nervous. I guess cause I was so proud of this piece and wanted to do it well. Well, I got up there and sang, but the nerves killed me, I couldn't plant my feet or get a full breath. I finished the song and I was disappointed in myself. I don't think I sounded horrible, but I heard how strong and powerful I sounded just a rehearsal before and I didn't give that same performance. This one was okay, but weaker. Than my comments came and I got things like "This was my favorite piece on you, but work on your breath support", "Make sure you fix your posture for breath", "It sounded beautiful but I would like it done alittle more classically influenced", "I thought it was great and your high notes were all on pitch, just add some more vibrato cause it does have more of a classical sound rather than musical theatre". So I didn't really get any like negative comments, most people said it was their favorite that they heard from me. Yet I feel horrible about my performance. I usually sing it with such control and I usually do use a classical influence, but I didn't feel my connection and was disappointed. I've sung it since and it sounds good. So I'm gonna try and sing it in rep again, cause I wanna ease my mind. Everyone said I did a good job already, but I wanna do it again so I can feel like I did a good job. I think if I just kill that anxiousness I'll do it the way I know I can.

Other annoyance. I made $28 at work yesterday.....Horrible. Then picked up a hosting shift at night and wasn't even there for two whole hours. It was the most dead I have ever seen this restaurant. And I'm still poor!

I'm gonna be singing a lot coming up, I'm excited. A lot of Christmas performances in the next three weeks. One of which is paying. Whoot.

I'm going to be 21 in 9 days.

Um, I guess thats all I have to write about. Thanksgiving was good.

2008 Entry Fifty Two

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:09:15 GMT

So I'm not positive what to write.

I feel like I'm a disappointment. I feel like people expect so much of me in my responsibilities and it kinda of kills me to make sure that I live up to them. And while these people tell me that I fulfill their expectations I think I may have developed expecting more from myself. So no matter how well I do anything, it is never good enough for myself. I'm not sure if this stems from being pushed by my parents and cohorts but even when others tell me how proud they are of something I've done I'm busy picking apart what I have done and tearing it down. It's very frustrating. So maybe I've developed the need to expect to much of others? But I don't feel I have horribly high expectations...except for myself, but I can't live up to them. So I disappoint myself. I guess thats why I have a constant need of reassurance. Like when I sing, I hear myself and hear all that I did wrong, or that could have been better. So I continue to ask and re-ask people what they thought of my voice. They always answer the same, with a positive response usually and yet I still feel bad and ask again. So I could have this horribly amazing powerhouse of a voice, and yet not feel like I have much talent.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing in life. At least not with the whole Joe thing you know. I'm sure readers of our entries have noticed what a main topic has been. I understand both sides. But what am I supposed to do. Continue to be this responsible one for two people until he is ready. Or accept that he has other responsibilities and that he just can't handle the amount. Expect myself to handle my life as well as his. Put my opportunities on hold because they don't blend with him. I'm only twenty. Do you think I want to grow up. I can't do it for the both of us and I feel like I'm going to have to. But its too much for me.

Also, I now have to look at this Tenor solo in Chamber cause Ms. Otal picked me to look at it. It's not even good, but I guess she wants me to do it anyway!

Oh, Other than that I've been in a decent mood. Not as depressed today. My throat feels better too! I have class now though.

2008 Entry Fifty One

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:20:37 GMT

I'm not sure what to do to regain myself.
I feel lost.

I've been feeling so sad and everything seems to add to it, even though things aren't really that bad.

I just feel dissappointed in my life and some things around me. Some pasts and the things I fear will dissappoint me in the future. Its silly how just reading one word in one entry of someone else can upset me so much.

I'm a stupid person. So many people in this world are ordinary fools, and I'm just one more.

I don't really know what more to write. I can't change anyones past and I don't know if I have a bright future. All I know is I don't feel very good and it seems that the people who could cheer me up don't really do it.
It's not really their job though.

I dont really feel satisfied with my life. With my history or my choices. I shunned alcohol and drugs because I felt so morally against them, to end up with someone who loved both and now that I've done it all and don't have a problem with it, the thoughts of him doing it still upsets me. I have fooled around with at least 12 counted people, had sex before Joe, and don't even know the name of some of these people yet I hate thinking he had been with someone else before me. I feel like I've made stupid choices or that I should have just lived my life when I could, and now I have to be responsible for me and my boyfriend and its hard enough for me to be responsible for myself.

Even with good news, even though right now me and Joe are okay, I still feel very sad. It's an overall down feeling.

Also, the above paragraph about history hasnt affected my mood, I actually havent had anything like that bothering me but it was on my mind just at that moment.

The only thing that seems to make me feel better is to sing.

I got into Tobys. I'm a swing for "High School Musical" which is exciting to me I guess. Its bittersweet with how I've been feeling but I am really excited about even getting into the show.

I don't have anything else to write. I just want to feel better. And stop feeling like I'm this failure who is a loser messing up life.

2008 Entry Fifty

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 20:08:07 GMT

I do believe I've failed you. I know I let you down.

I haven't felt this down in a long time. I feel like I have so much running through my head and things I want to get out but I don't know how to put it into words. I figure I can use it for inspiration for music, but until I can at least illiterate what I'm thinking I don't know how I will write the lyrics. So before I turn this feeling into music I will write about it.

I was feeling okay thursday. I saw "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and it was very good. I tried to get Katie to come, but my Uncle Greg had my Uncle Kevins phone and when I called I got the wrong uncle. I than had a strange conversation with my Uncle about how he was lost and such, he ended with I love you Christopher..

He died that night. I feel strange about it. Not really sad. He was a good guy back when I was born I'm told. All I really know of him is that he & his wife got into drugs and alcohol, One of their kids ran away and the other three were taken, they're a bit messed up, They stole from us, Caused mainly problems in the family. His wife overdosed and he was now technically mentally unstable according to doctors and such. But it still makes me feel sad that he is dead. And of all the days to get a mistaken phone call.

On top of this, me and Joe have been bickering about stupid things. I don't really feel like I start them but I'm sure Joe will tell you I'm wrong. It just seems like we are fine then all of a sudden he is mad at me, I've done or said something wrong. I'm not going to lie, I do a lot for him. I drive him everywhere he needs to be, I don't get gas money, I do the stuff he wants to do when making plans, I don't have to, I pay often for other things or if he needs financial help. All I seem to get in return is complaints and being bossed around instead of being appreciated. I'm not a servant, and I don't enjoy the feeling that this has been giving me.

Example: This dance concert. Joe was asked to choreograph for CCBC Dance Company. One of his dancers broke his hand. Joe asked me to fill in, I should have just said no because I don't like the way Joe treats me (and some others) when he is "in charge" of them, I wont go into those details though he just seems to become rude and demeaning. But he asked me to and I knew he was in a predicament so I agreed to help out. Well Wrong choice, cause all that he's done is force me to change my schedule to meet his needs, he tells me all the things I'm doing wrong constantly, and its not the normal critisism of like okay we just need to fix it...Its do this, Now fix this on it, Now fix this on it, Now fix this on it....Its never good enough.....

I'm just never good enough for him, and I'm out of line to ask for anything in return. I feel like when I mention anything to him its me causing a problem, if I try and help him out it isn't good enough, if I don't follow his needs and schedule I'm being ridiculous, and if I stand up for myself its selfish....I wish he knew what it was like to have to be the father of your boyfriend.

On top of that I have this stupid project due in CINS and Its due tomorrow and I'm so frustrated I can't focus on a thing! I need to write a two page paper and create a powerpoint, but I have all these questions needed to be answered so it will really be four pages and I don't know where to get all the information I need, plus I'm supposed to worry about Joes project....I came all the way to maryland early today just for him and his thank you was asking me to research his project too. I'm assuming it was one of those jokes that was serious.....but I will not be doing any such thing.

And this fucking credit card is annoying me. I applied for a card. I was approved, It didn't come. So I call and they express mail it and tell me to be home on Saturday. I'm home on saturday and nothing comes. So I call and they say I can't find anything out until Monday. So I call monday and they tell me that It should be here later in the week and that I didnt need to be there saturday. So it comes, but not really, The UPS leaves notes on the door cause someone has to sign for it and no one was home and the way to get it back is to drive to the UPS in York, PA. So yesterday I decide to go up, well a rehearsal I didnt know about also happened to be yesterday, Joe told me that I wasn't "allowed" to miss his rehearsal, and he had us go first so I could get to PA by the time I needed, even though I told him a day ago that I wouldn't be at rehearsal, he said it was my responsibility and that he had no full rehearsal, so feeling guilty I go and only two of us are there and of course nothing is done but Joe pointing out how awful of a dancer I am compared to what he wants. I'm not you. Anyway, I finally go up to the UPS and oops! They sent it back to Capital one just a day before, they only hold it for five days. So today I will be calling again.

Its Hopes birthday. It's the only thing making me smile. I'm excited to go out tonight.

I need to write music, I need to sing. It's the only thing that helps.

-Sweet Surrender, is all I have to give.

2008 Entry Forty Nine

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:53:53 GMT

I'm almost to my Fiftieth entry for the year. Does that make me lame? I don't know. Anyway, onto my entry.

I don't really have anything specific to rant about, but I currently am on a break between class and ran out of things to do, so here I am.

I still haven't heard from Tobys. Christen said its a good sign and to continue waiting unless I need to know immediately for another show or something, which I don't...so I'll just wait.

I've really been thinking about school in the following year. If you want honesty, I kind of don't want to go. I'm torn because I know what I should do and I know what I want to do, and they are two very different things. In my mind I would love to just find my own place, audition for a million things, and start this performing life. But I know all to well that if it doesn't work out I need my school, and to enhance my craft I need to continue my education. What my actual plan is, is to go to school and audition at the same time. If I get anything big, than leave school and continue it again later, if I don't get anything than I'm still in school! Unfortunately, my reasoning isn't that I just want to audition, its that I'm tired of school. I'm really just tired of going to class and all this stuff. Maybe the spring break will be enough of a break for me?

Onto living. I want a place of my own so badly. So very badly. When I talk to people about it they don't understand where I'm coming from. I live so far away and never go home, and when I do I don't have a real room or anything that makes me feel at home. Joes home is nice but although people continue to say, "You live there" and such, I don't feel like I'm at home in his house, nor do I feel like His room is our room. When I'm in there I feel like I'm just sitting in someone else's room, I miss having my own. And at Joes I feel so uncomfortable for some reason. Like at my house I can go to the living room and sit on the couch, I can hang outside or in the kitchen. At Joes there are screaming, annoying children, mounds of noise coming from various animals, and I feel confined in a room that I don't feel is mine. At my house I can take a shower or something, at Joes I have to make sure the water is running, and even when it does its weak. I don't think I take a shower where someone downstairs doesn't interrupt. It gives me this awkward feeling, a sort of discomfort. Than I think of going to my actual house and I'm like...ugh I have to drive up there, my sister will follow me around, my dog is lovable but obnoxious, I don't have a room, and I can't stay there because I have some sort of obligation down here. Which brings me to the point. I just want a place of my own.

I also want money. I wish I had a lot of money.

Life has felt unsatisfying lately and I'm not sure how to fix that. I feel like If I actually discuss my problems with people it causes conflict, but if I keep them inside I end up in a bad mood which then also causes conflict. So I feel conflicted. Ugh.

On another note, I'm so excited to sing with Toni and Katie and Nathan. And to write and record music. Mainly to sing.

I had something more I wanted to say but I can't remember it.

2008 Entry Forty Eight

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:47:57 GMT

So, I don't have too much to write I guess.

I sang today with Chamber Choir for some Veterans Day thing that was taped in Towson. I think we sounded fine! We were asked to perform for another event in December so I guess we did well! Im excited that we were offered. I went to Cici's for the first time today! Thanks to Toni, cause she knew where it was. It was nice. Cheap and lots of food, surrounded by decent people. So Good.

So, Joe and Tyson got e-mails from Tobys saying they did not make it into "High School Musical"...I on the other hand have no received a thing! So I asked Christen about it (she has worked at Tobys before and evidently knows the people running this) and she said it may be a good thing. What I'm doing is assuming that it's a no and they forgot to send it, but most people tell me they think I'm still being considered and thats why they have yet to e-mail me. Christen said something about e-mailing them to ask but I don't want to come off as rude or anything. So I guess wish me luck?

Um, I'm kind of tired of teaching already. I guess cause I don't have to much material for my class nor do I have much skill in Piano.

However I am excited for singing! Um, Me and some friends (Katie, Toni, & Nathan) are singing together. We will be singing a bunch of music and turning it into four part music. We will probably perform sometimes like caroling and such for christmas, we also will probably record! Also, Toni and myself, and possibly Katie will be working on some original music, it won't be in four parts most likely but we plan to record some originals so I'm excited!

I guess thats all I have to write for now. I'm kind of bored but there really isn't anything to do. I may go rent a movie, or grab half priced burgers.

2008 Entry Forty Seven

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 23:22:04 GMT

Well, I'm not sure what to post aside from my lovely election day experience. So I figure I'll just post about that!

Well, Katie and I were offered a job on election today, We were told it was to stand by polling places and remind people to vote down the complete ballot and not overlook any questions or anything. We were told to dress in khackis and a polo and to arrive at 6:00am and than we would work until 9:30pm and be paid $150.

I woke up at 5:35ish and Katie met me at Joes cause the location we were going to was in walking distance. We met and walked to the place where there was a line of 53 people, he counted. Out of this only 36 people were actually allowed to participate. The people were selected by asking which people were working this all day shift (as apposed to the 5 hour shifts) and then they sent people who didn't follow the dress code. Me and Katie were chosen to stay and put on the list for the third bus of people. We were working in partners and me and Katie thought it'd be best to be partners. Well this wasn't gonna work out.

There happens to be an open spot that another location needs so by process of "eenie meenie minee moe" I was chosen to be that person. I was taken from Katie to stand with two sixteen year old girls who seemed like a mess. Honestly they seemed mentally slow, but upon talking to them they were not. Anyway. Katie got sent away to a poll place with this girl Leslie who ended up being the best partner in the day. I ended up sitting at this hall until 9:30am with these two girls and Matt. Matt, is the guy who runs this whole thing who speaks to me like he may like me. Anyway, We wait around for a van to come take us to the extra poll place, it doesn't arrive. In the waiting time Dani, one of the girls, has found a way to tell a complete story whenever anyone says anything and her story would never actually have to deal with the topic. It was awful. The other girl was an extremely young teenage mother who seemed to have a speech problem, but it wasn't horrendous, she didn't talk as much but when she did you could tell how young she was.

Eventually we were told instead of polling places we were gonna be visibilities. A Visibility is someone who stands on a corner on a street or intersection and holds out signs telling you what to vote for. In hearing this I realized I was in a biased group telling people to vote for Obama, and question 2. I didn't mind so much cause he is my choice, however I don't like, in the slightest bit, telling others what they should think or do. But money is money.

So I was joined by two high school boys and taken to a corner to hold a sign reminding people to vote for Question 2. I was there from 10am til about 4pm...And time went by a tad slower then ever before. So, I got honked at, some thumbs up, some fists in support. I also got thumbs down, booed, the finger (23 times), and someone called me a "negro lover." All the negative people fit the same physical description (mainly) and I found that funny. A friend of mine saw me, which is embarrasing, and the boys with me decided the best way to spend their time was throwing rocks at eachother and the highway, climbing over medians, throwing signs in the street and breaking glass bottles they had found on the street. All the while talking about things that were annoying or things I was unable to understand.

We were then moved to a polling place where we had to sit in the parking lot because there was no electioneering allowed past the sidewalk. It was rainy, cold, and wet, and me and those two boys sat there until 7 and maybe 5 voters came. It was horrible. I texted like 20 people, The boredom was awful! Matt however bought me a hamburger cause he thought I was hungry...?

Eventually the van came and the woman said she needed to move me cause there was a place with two girls and she wanted a male there for protection. So she brought me to Katie!!! Who was sitting there with Leslie, they had chairs, blankets, bags of food, and umbrellas. That last time went by so quick. Then we went back and got paid. Got Half Priced Apps and watched Obama win the election, with no help from me since I didn't vote.

That was my election day. you probably got a text from me during it, but I decided to write anyway!

2008 Entry Forty Six

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:28:49 GMT

Okay, So right now I guess there isn't too much to write.

I've been feeling okay despite overanalyzing my performance in a video I posted. The song isn't really a showcasing song, but I guess I did well with it, so hopefully people won't listen and think I'm horrendous!

A new "Family Guy" is on. lol

I worked today and made $125. So that was nice.

My card still hasn't come, so I have to call monday and get a code to call the post office with and find where the cards are. Ugh! Why is it so hard to send a piece of mail.

I hope my video sounds good..

Talk to you later.

2008 Entry Forty Five

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 23:52:40 GMT

Hm. Well For those who read that last post. I listened to my part in that video of the song. Oh yes I did, I listened to it multiple times to be honest. And Truly I'm retarded. For one, it sounds fine. I don't sound like some horrible singer, it sounds fine. I will say the part I have in there isn't really sung sung more as it is spoken sung, like most all the parts in it. Kind of yelled on notes, which in a way has become singing. But anyway, I sound fine, theres a tad vibrato on my top note which makes me semi-proud, although I dislike the way I say the word "legs".. The funny thing is though, if you were to watch this video, you probably wouldn't even fully hear my one line that I'm speaking of and if you did I assume it wouldnt be a memorable section of the song. It lasts maybe 2 seconds, is one line long, and is sung while everyone else is singing something different, so its not like anyone hears it anyway. But I heard it and it sounds fine.

I had my tobys callback today and it seemed to go well. I sang. I think I did well. The callbacks went like so: A Dance audition, A Singing audition, Cuts, A Reading, and a More intense dance audition. I did not get cut! So yay! I guess. I read for Chad. I don't really know how the readings were placed but I assume I'm mainly up for chorus.

So my voice is fine. Hopefully I'll get this show. And I shouldn't stress over that one line, cause it sounds good. I just need to remind myself of that otherwise I will rip it apart for no reason.

Also, I'm probably singing in Forum on Halloween, I wanna film it and put the video up..Dispite the fact that I hate the song I'm singing.